Welcome to The Underworld

Before I start let me tell you that I turn on my scanner to start working on this post and the stupid HP spits this thing:

out at me! I soon find out that it is an "alignment sheet" for "alignment of the printer cartridge" and then proceeded to waste time "following the instructions listed on the page". Dumb waste of time.

Also, CAT IS GONE!! She has up and left me, Timmy, for 3 weeks to got build houses for the poor, and then trek off to summer camp. She will however be back in time for highschool orientation. EEP! We're gonna be freshmeat! ACK! So lets all hope for her safe return and also that we don't get killed in highschool...

ANYWAY!

--back on topic--

GREETINGS From The Underworld!

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Darkness

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that's the topic of today's post. Dark music, books, clothes, and, my favorite, chocolate. Fist off, we here at ♥ Hypnotic Romance ♥ would like your opinion on the lovely Vampire Freaks Music Player that is currently serenading you at the bottom of the page. Is Goth/Industrial/Techno your cup of tea and making you want to jump in your bondage pants, or is it giving you a headache, there by inhibiting your reading experience? Post a comment. next

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-Vampire Books- a true source of glee for Cat, Timmy, and Timmy's Mum. They are a thrill to read because of their dark angsty plots, and can include a wide array of strange mythical creatures, that are rated on the "Romance Novel Scale of Suckness ♥ " . I, Timmy, blame my Mum for my love of Vampires (Vampire wine anyone?). My Mum is always reading vampy novels, which I gladly rate on the scale, which provides my daily lol's for the day. Which leads me to

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-Dark clothes- Let me tell you a secret... TIMMY IS TOTALLY A CLOSET GOTH....don't tell, Okay. I remember when I was about 6 or 7 I used to pretend I was a vampire. I'm not sure why. I also remember at that time I was missing the teeth next to my canine teeth, which enabled me to tuck my lower lip into the missing space, giving the appearance that I had fangs. I had a lot of fun with this. May I also add that I would rock the popped collar look at this time. Fast forward 7 or so years. I have been given the nickname Timmy, and have probably spent over $ 2,000 at my local Hot Topic, I also know the names of most of the employees. Not exactly something to brag about, I know. I take the whole "Dark Look" in moderation by mixing edgy pieces with girly stuff too, but on some occasions I do indulge in busting out the Tripp bondage pants and going full out "Lets go party in the Graveyard". What can I say, its fun to watch peoples reactions. Which is why I propose that this coming week be "Lets Dress Like Our Darkside Week" and bust out those fishnets and combat boots you keep in the back of your closet!

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-Dark Chocolate- YUMMY DEE-LICOUS!! I strongly recommend that you all rush to your local grocery store and buy this:

and this one : is especially yummy! MMM...dark chocolate crunch! (I ate that right after I scanned it, lol.)

So...

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WELCOME TO THE UNDERWORLD

UNLEASH YOUR DARKSIDE

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Words of exit: Scary group polite-ness! I had to get the Hell out of there! --Mum

If its not pretty, it doesn't matter. -- Tim Gun of Project Runway

Rats in the Realm of Romance

Hello Good Children of Earth

Incredibly sorry for SEVER lack of updates. I've just been a slacker...
But I have News!!
An update in fact, on the "Romance Novels ♥" post

If you remember, the lowest of low on the "Romance Novel Scale of Suck-ness ♥" was "Fabio on the Beach", but I have found something that will make all sad, lonely, pathetic women start shaking in their stretch pants!!

WERE-RAT ROMANCE

Yes! That's Right! Were-Rat!! As in disgusting little rodents that go "squeak squeak" and poop in dark corners.
These *sarcasm* lovely little creatures made their debut in a little book my Dear Ol' Mum picked up from the library . Now you should know that my Mum is neither sad, lonely, or pathetic, and doesn't wear stretch pants (on a good day...JUST JOKING MOM! ♥ ♥ ♥). She was also not expecting to be greeted by text that combined sexy-immortal-man with smelly-disease-rodent. After reading this she shared the new information with me in a fit of giggles!

So here it is, a new level on the "Romance Novel Scale of Suck-ness ♥"

Were-Rat Romance- If you are reading these books because you find man-rats incredibly sexy and sharp witted, and wish that perhaps you will go to dinner with Tall Dark Sexy Beady Eyed Random Stranger and he will actually be Were-Rat King, then your best hope for survival is to crawl into a hole and possibly you may meet a real rat.

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Words of exit:

i've cheated the rules

since i could remember

cuz you never get caught

when you oh so clever

till someone catches on

and your sceme is butsed

your forced to remember

all the times you lost it

all the things you said

that where evil and hurt

all the times you've split blood onto your shirt

all the intolerable crulties

the marks made in the past

the haunted memories

you hoped would pass

your tear stained face

you tried to hide

but you couldn't keep what you felt inside

mind over matter

love over pain

but it just doesn't work

when your playing the game

Were-Tigers, Were-Snow Leopards, and Fabio, Oh My!

Romance novels Y, are, for me, a constant source of ridicule. They contain any number of weird creatures, and nearly all have half-naked people on the beach gracing the front covers. Or on a horse, or a ship, or in a jungle, or maybe in a circus! There is a certain scale for how terrible romance novels are, judging by the characters. Listed from best to worst.

Vampire Romance- They are undead, and therefore awesome. And drama in the book comes from the whole "I don't want to be bitten by my vampire partner, but I know he can't help himself(Vampire is usually a boy). Oh what am I to do?" Vampires brighten up the whole romance scene.

Wizard Romance- While Harry and Ron are losers when it comes to the ladies, some wizards are not, and they get all the girls, lots of magic in these, and lots of gushy talk.

Were-Wolf Romance- Ummmm.... not good. No. Now your pushing it...

Were-Tiger Romance- You have sunk extremely low.

Were-Snow Leopard Romance- Takes a lot of work to keep the bile from coming up.

Fabio on the Beach- um... If you are reading this and you are not an old lady with gold lamè pants and a beehive, you are a bit scary. And possibly lonely. And own many many cats.








Words of exit:
"Hey Evan, what sound does the Were-Tiger make?"
"RROOOAARRRR!!"
"Hey Squishy, what sound does Fabio on the Beach make?"
"Beep BEEP!"